Sheep at the window

Toam at 2 days, 4 weeks, 8 weeks

So, this is pretty much what's going on in my life right now. One kid, getting bigger every day while I sit around and watch, awed. I've been meaning to write a new post for quite a while, but I'm not sure what to say - I'm not particularly crafty these days, not too much online, nothing extrememly interesting is going on unless you're me, or you are as interested in this little baby as I am for some reason (Hi, Grandmas! )

2 months ago, a bit after Toam was born, I remember how I sat one night and couldn't really figure out why we made him, what was wrong with our old life. I was wondering how I'd feel if he disappeared and I wasn't sure it would be too bad. I missed my hobbies. I missed sleeping. Now? I spent an hour away from him last week and it felt like someone ripped my leg off.

Officialy I'm back to work, but my brain is mush. I don't do much now except hang around with my kid, taking him out for walks, talking, laughing.. not much going on these days, really.

And yet, surprisingly enough, I'm enjoying every second of it.

My new little teacher.

A teacher of patience.
Of admitting you were wrong.
Of finding out what works for you (the cloth diapers? No good in the Israeli summer unless you want to wake your kid up every hour to change his diaper. Which I (obviously) don't. Toam got an INCREDIBLE rash and we had to store those away for now).
Of facing your fears - I'm going back to work next week, and Ez is taking the rest of the maternity leave. Which means decisions should be made, about what my business is going to look like from now on. Yikes.
Of finding the balance between "mom" and "me".
Of being able to function properly when you don't sleep for more then 4 hours straight (and yes, I know 4 hours is a lot with such a young baby..)
Of not feeling guilty about every little thing.
And of finding out that what you thought was 100% of who you are, was in fact only about 85..

This is a long overdue post that I was a little scared to be optimistic about before I had any actual experience.

A few months before Toam was born, we tried to make some decisions about the way life with him will be - we asked friends to build us a co-sleeper, and bought some cloth diapers. Most of the family thought we were nuts. Cloth diapers? in the age where disposables are so available and easy to use? How will you manage? and what about the laundry? and WHY?!

Well, there are a lot of reasons why. Ecology is one of them, but that wasn't on the top of my priority list - it's just a nice benefit. I got the proof of why cloth diapers are much better when we left the house for the weekend and switched to disposables for the sake of convenice - Toam's little newborn tush was covered in diaper rash within 24 hours, no matter how much cream we used to try to protect him. Once we got home and switched him back to cloth, the rash was gone.

Cloth diapers contain no chemicals, no bleaches, no glue, and no questionable substances. True, they take some getting used to and require a few minutes more of your time per diaper - you have to take the dirty diaper, wash the poop off (easy if you install one of those sprayers next to your toilet) and store it in a pail. Once a day, just empty the pail into the washing machine and you have a batch of fresh diapers.
It's not for the faint of heart who don't want to handle poop, but from what I noticed so far, handling poop is what parenthood is all about.

You also don't have to do any of the old fashioned "baby origami" to diaper your baby, and there are no pins! today's cloth diapers are shaped like a disposable, close with velcro or snaps, and you have a huge variety of options to choose from - some have covers, some are "All in One" diapers that include the covers, some have a pocket so you can choose how much absorbant material you need.

The best way to choose cloth diapers is to buy one of each of a few brands you want to try, and see what works best for you. I chose a different way and bought a whole batch of bamboozles from Tots Bots, which got excellent reviews, are extremely soft and fit almost every body shape (and at least for us - they don't leak!) and are made of antibacterial Bamboo. They're pricey, too, so your inital expense might be quite large - but in the long run, cloth diapers will save you money, too.

They say that once babies start eating solid foods, things get more difficult. I will have to remember to report about that when the time comes.

More baby news - we survived the Brit on Friday, as well as our first weekend away from home. I'm getting better, and Toam is getting BIG - he spends more time awake now, and doesn't fall asleep after 5 seconds of breatfeeding. Life is emotional and full of ups and downs, and there is not much on my mind other then diapers, milk and sleep. Lots of smiling and lots of tears for all 3 of us. Lots of getting used to this new life with this new person, who can be wonderful and frustrating all at the same time. 

5 days ago I gave birth via an unplanned (but non-emergency) c-section. We got home yesterday and we're feeling wonderful - I spent 4 days in the hospital recovering, and at the end they said I can keep him

I'm insanely happy and hormonal, and can't take my eyes (or camera) off the little wonder that is my son. Wow.

p.s - Ruth - your blanket is a life-saver, the baby loves it and spends his days and nights snuggled in it. I'll post photos soon!

Nope, no baby yet.

I spent countless hours over the last 2 weeks connected to a fetal monitor which showed "borderline" results in the baby's heart-rate, and spent even more hours explaining to doctors that maybe, just MAYBE, I know this baby better then a machine does. And that I can go back home. And I'm fine. And please, there's no need for an induction just yet.

The borderline monitor results, as well as my borderline blood-pressure, sent the doctors into a borderline state of mind and they gave me until Thursday to try and give birth naturally (which of course will not happen, because I'm notoriously bad with deadlines). Otherwise, we will need to seriously discuss the option of an induction. And that will probably end up being more then just a discussion.

I learned a lot of new things during these 39.5 weeks. About me, about what I expect of myself and of others, about supportive and un-supportive people in my life.

About self confidence.

About how I can talk about nothing but pregnancy and baby things all day and still be in deep denial about the fact that I'm going to be a mom very soon.

About how I seem to have picked just the right guy to marry and have a baby with despite the fact that he REALLY pisses me off sometimes (or maybe it's because of that fact).

About how funny cats can be when they get kicked by your belly and try to figure out what's going on.

About how dull and not blog-worthy life felt recently, although it has actually been not so dull.

And mainly, about how baby stuff takes up about 4000% more space then the actual baby. Apparently, it takes an entire large drawer FULL of tiny clothes to keep a baby dressed for about a week. 

So here I am - in the last few days of being pregnant. Scared, curious, and wondering what my toes look like these days. Full of big questions, big hopes and a big belly.

See you all when I'm a mom

Enjoying:

Color Pencils reviewed - LOL
Sweeping the clouds away - about the (relatively) new release of early Sesame Street episodes and how they are not for today's kids anymore.
Mafe Maria's mural tutorial
Roman Sock's tortoise crochet pattern
JCaroline's storage baskets tutorial

Coveting:

Rosa Pomar's Cavalos sling
LivingStones seating (you know, if they were cat-proof. Or kid-proof. Or anything-proof)
Candy Stick Lane baby clothes

Buying:

The cool new Envirosax for kids (for myself!). Don't be fooled - there's nothing enviromental about these polyster bags. But they still look great.
MochiMochi's Ninjabun pattern (how cute is this??)
NIN's new album, Ghosts (available online in several formats and a variety of prices. Way to go, Nails). It's moody and sad and beautiful.

I did absolutely nothing this weekend except sleep, knit, eat schnitzels that Ez lovingly made for me and watch movies on DVD. No communication with the outside world whatsoever. My kind of weekend.

I also finished Vestee, which was a sort of "wishful thinking" sweater (I thought I'll have enough yarn, I also thought these colors will work great together..)

The technicalities:

Pattern: Vestee
Size: 12 months
Yarn: Teddy's wool Bamboo which was a complete NIGHTMARE to knit with. It breaks apart into those tiny threads and it took a long time to get a good result with it. Another low-quality yarn from the Teddy..
Needles: Circulars, size US5 I think? I'll have to check.

All in all:
Because I ran out of yarn I skipped the shawl collar and went for a rolled one instead by picking up stitches along the neck edge and knitting 3-4 rows in the round.. I'm not entirely happy with this sweater but it's not the pattern's fault - the colors didn't work together as well as I imagined and as I said the yarn simply sucks. I can however see myself making this again, with better yarn and hopefully a better eye for color. Also, despite my efforts to ignore the obvious, this sweater is really quite girly. Oh well, at the worst case Baby Boy can wear it around the house on chilly days.

Last week I got a surprise package in the mail.. Ruth said she had "a little something-something" to send me. Little did I know!

Turns out that Ruth remembered that I told her how we don't have baby showers here in Israel, and in fact do nothing to celebrate the pregnancy itself - we're only "allowed" to party after the baby is born. To celebrate my pregnancy and make me happy, Ruth crocheted this super-sweet, beautiful baby blanket, just for my baby!!

A week later I'm still awed and amazed that she did this just for me. I thought a lot about what to write, but frankly - I'm speechless, and greatful for every stitch and every minute and every ounce of attention that Ruth put into this blanket. Thank you, Ruth. What a great celebration You are truely amazing. And you can bet that ribbon is staying!

You can read more about the blanket (pattern details, yarn, etc.) and see more photos of it, as well as more photos of Ruth's other knits, jewelry, and mouth-watering cooking on her blog.

NOW I have seen everything.

The Jack-Potty, from Safety 1st.
From wal-Mart's site:"The sensor technology detects a deposit and triggers lights and sounds for fun and encouragement". What child would not freak out if their toilet started playing "We're in the money" every time they made a "deposit"? Looks more like a fun way to keep your child in diapers and out of casinos until his late 30s. Make that a fun and encouraging way.

Other then finding bizarre toddler accessories in the middle of the night, I also got an amazing gift in the mail (more about it tomorrow) and we may have picked a stroller. Facinating, my life is. Just... facinating.

The strollometer - for those who need to know EXACTLY how far their baby has traveled.